What will it mean to close our home?
I think of the 10 years.
I think of the 30 kids.
It’s confusing and disorienting and just plain hard.

We’re getting off the roller coaster.

This is not about reunification. This is about the amazing grace we’ve received making us amazingly gracious. This is about the extraordinary love we’ve received making us extraordinary lovers. This is about being so in awe of the gospel that we live out the gospel in the way we think and act and pray and foster. 

As we fight for the protection of the children in our care, may we never stop praying for their parents to experience healing and growth and change, for their families to experience restoration.

You’re looking at a mom who lost it on her kids this morning. Like ugly yelling, screaming, you’d hit that unfollow button if you’d seen. I was running late and stressed because—get this—I read my Bible too long. 🫠 *cue the shame*

+ I believe that God uses every hard & “bad” to accomplish His very good plans.
+ That the things I’m praying for my kids—things like character and hope—are often accomplished through the things I pray away—like suffering.
+ That everything that happens to them is something He’s using for them.
+ That the things they face today are making them who He has them to be tomorrow.

Adoption offers kids a forever family.
But we must never forget that our (adopted) kids also, already have a forever family—their biological family.

You, friend, aren't strong because you have it all together. You are strong, because He is strong.

It will serve them well to understand that together you are a family on a mission, ready to do the good works God has prepared for you, deployed by Mom and/or Dad, in service to the Lord. We decide for ourselves and for our children: “As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord” (Josh. 24:15).

So name their feelings, share tools, offer your own regulated presence to them. And do it all over and over and then over again.

The call of the gospel transforms and sets us on mission.
The hope of heaven offers us a promise that makes it all worth it.
The Person of Jesus carries and sustains us through it all.

My love—deep and true as it is—is weak and limited and devastatingly flawed.

But. There is a love that is perfect. And it changes everything. It is the love of God, “made manifest among us, that God sent his only Son into the world." (1 John 4:9)

So what can we do to protect ourselves? We can do pursue things that elicit the opposite of that scary list of symptoms—peace, joy, rest, health, trust in the Lord. The antidote to secondary trauma is proactive, intentional self care. For me, this looks like:

My kids have brains & bodies that carry the effects of trauma AND are sinners in need of the forgiveness of Jesus. I see them & parent them through the lens of both.

I hold the conviction of prioritizing the protection & restoration of the family not because it's always logical or what I want, but because I believe that God created & cherishes & desires to heal the family.

Speak to your kids about foster care the way you hope they'll think about foster care, because they're listening. And live out foster care the way you hope they'll live out foster care, because they're watching.

Being the stand-in mom for a baby during these critical attachment building months & years is one of the most important jobs on earth. I get to literally shape this baby’s brain & nervous system, color his view of the world, transform his ability to build relationships & trust—including, hopefully, eventually with his (biological) mom—forever.

I know how hard this is-how painful & terrifying it is to watch a child go to a situation you would never choose. I know what it means to have to fight to hold these foundational beliefs.

But they're worth fighting for, because the family is worth fighting for.

As a foster parent, I am compelled by the love of Christ. I seek to love with the love of Christ. But firstly and mostly, I am the recipient of the love of Christ.

It’s the heart of the big story of the Bible, the gospel of Jesus Christ. God is about redeeming and restoring sinners to Himself. And God is about redeeming and restoring that which sin has destroyed. Including the family.