We Must Speak Life & Encouragement & Hope

Our guy thinks we should be welcoming more children.
(“We’re a foster family! We should get more foster kids!”) First thought: Are you trying to kill me? Second thought: Maybe he thinks we’re doing better at this whole parenting thing than I think we are!

I was explaining why we couldn’t welcome more kids (besides, you know, the literal limits of my own human capacity), and I told our guy: “Well, really, in NJ, foster families are only supposed to have six kids. When we found out you were in foster care, we went to the workers and the judge and fought for you to come here. We said, ‘We know him and we love him and we want him to come be a part of our family again,’ so they changed the rules to let us have seven kids. But there’s no way they would let us have eight!”

............

“Oh, is that what happened? I just thought the other foster family changed their minds and didn’t want me anymore.”

Dagger. to. my. heart.

I am certain this is not the first time I told him that we wanted him here and mom wanted him here and we all fought for him to be here. And. Our kids will internalize what they don’t understand. They will feel guilt & shame & responsibility for things they should never have to carry.

And this is why every question & topic & feeling must be allowed.
This is why we must explicitly communicate what we assume is implicitly understood.
This is why we answer with truth and honesty, even when it’s hard.
This is why we tear down the lies of “my fault” and “not enough” and “if only I was.”
This is why we speak life and encouragement and hope.