Ways to Honor Your (Adopted) Child’s First Family in Open or Closed Adoption

+ Affirm feelings of loss and confusion. Allow space for all questions to be asked and emotions to be expressed.

+ Create a "mom box" where kids can keep mementos, draw pictures, write letters, store photos, and hold special things they would like to share with parents. If there is contact, this can be the keeping place until the next visit. If there’s not, it can be a tangible place where they symbolically keep things that represent the relationship or they hope to one day share.

+ Frame photos of family, get a photo printed pillow or blanket. Place photos along with your family photos as part of your full family story.

+ Fill your house with conversations, books, & stories about adoption. Allow it to be a regular point of conversation. When you celebrate birthdays or talk about (biological) children’s birth/infancy, weave in stories of (adopted) children’s adoption and first family. Celebrate physical or personality similarities with first family members. De-stigmatize adoption in your home.

+ Integrate traditions, foods, activities, rhythms, holidays, and cultural celebrations that your child did or would have experienced in their first family into your home. In transracial adoption, consider racial mirrors and models and fill your home and life with people and stories and experiences that reflect your child’s race/culture.

+ Maintain or create points of connection (phone, FaceTime, visits, holidays, etc.) with parents or any biological family that is safe. Can you pursue supervised phone calls or letter writing? Is there anyone ay all that can connect them to their biological family/culture? Pursue other means or other extended family.

+ Pray for biological parents and family with our kids. No matter the circumstances or the openness, this is something we can always do. And if for a time, it is too triggering for our children to pray for them, then they can listen to us pray for them, or at the very least, know that we do.

It is to our children’s benefit that—in our homes—their parents are honored, their stories are held, and their feelings are given space. 🤍