So excited to share that GOD LOVES KIDS: A GOSPEL-CENTERED BOOK ABOUT FOSTER CARE is available for pre-order now!!

I sat on the floor, playing blocks with him—trying to act natural, trying to ignore the eyes watching us through two way mirrors & secret cameras. A doctor quietly scribbling, silently deciding if we felt like “forever.”

We don’t take that lightly. We don’t pretend the journey hasn’t come with grief and questions. But we do stand in awe of what God is building here: a family stitched together by love, sacrifice, & redemption.

Especially in our super-silly-sized family of 9, dating our kids is an important part of being intentional with each individual child, staying connected to their hearts, & enjoying them. 🤍

What you see here: Smiling kids & a family that loves each other, a group of people who laugh & smile & enjoy time together.

What you don’t see: Panic attacks & explosive behaviors & trauma triggers & absolute-misery-no-fun-at-all.

And you know what? BOTH OF THOSE THINGS CAN BE TRUE.

After many months of surviving continuous, unavoidable, devastating triggers, I am on a relentless quest to search out the glimmers.

My therapist called me out. She thinks I have a preoccupation with protecting my kids from being impacted by any of the hard of each other’s struggles & stories & behaviors. And especially protecting them from knowing how it all affects me.

And when my mothering inevitably falls short, I am forced to remember (*invited* to remember) that there will be a day when all things WILL be made right. The imperfect will be perfected, the broken will be made whole. And all of my fighting & praying & hoping will finally be realized.

I think “I love you” is his way of saying, “I feel safe. I feel happy. I feel loved.”

It’s an important reminder for me to meet this kiddo with compassion and understanding. They’ve been through so much, it’s no surprise it plays out in such hard behaviors still. Next time I’m frustrated by their choices, next time I’m impatient with their big feelings, I want to remember the empathy I’m feeling right now.

I am certain this is not the first time I told him that we wanted him here and mom wanted him here and we all fought for him to be here. And. Our kids will internalize what they don’t understand. They will feel guilt & shame & responsibility for things they should never have to carry.

This post isn’t about me. It’s about changing the conversation around foster care & adoption. It’s about understanding that foster parenting & adoptive parenting are very different things.

God is a God who brings dead people to life.
He is a God who heals and restores and redeems.
He is a God who intervenes and makes whole.
He is a God who is sovereign and wise and good.

Excerpt from Filled: 60 Devotions for the Foster Parent’s Heart • Read Colossians 3:13 & Matthew 18:21-35 for more

Recently, there have been so many times that I wish I could just wrap up my babies—from my 2 year old baby to my 16 year old baby—and protect them & rescue them & make everything ok for them.

I’ve been fighting (and failing) to hold onto hope for a little while now. But my heart has finally found it—in remembering grace, as it actually is.

All of your love, all of your work, all of the giving and serving and doing is always about more than the ones you’re doing it for. It’s always ultimately about Him. And for all that you do for them, He will say to you, “You did it for me.”

The call to love a child with a broken past sometimes comes as a call from a principal. It’s a holy call. To die to self and to live in love and to remember always: That above and before being those who love broken people, we’re those who were loved AS broken people.

You are called to foster care.

Maybe not foster parenting, but foster care.

It’s more than semantics. It’s intention.

How is it possible to be whole-heartedly fighting for & praying for & supporting the healing of a family, if you’re actually really hoping for the family to fail so that the child can be yours forever??