Not everyone is called to be a foster parent. Not everyone’s supposed to adopt. But there may be some who—if they spent more time leaning into the small and quiet “calls”—would realize there’s a calling.
Rejecting the Either + the Or and Choosing Both
When did we start believing that being for one means being against the other? I reject the either and the or. I choose both.
Loving Broken People
I believe that part of this job is fostering the whole family, and I’m committed to doing it, even when it’s hard.
Trauma Training Isn't Enough
Sometimes I can’t handle the hour long meltdowns or the what’s-even-going-on-here trauma behaviors. So I hold it together and say the right things and make everyone alright. And then I hit my breaking point.
I Get Too Attached
It has to be the reasoning I hear most often from would-be foster parents: “I could never do that. I would get too attached.” Well, that makes two of us. Attachment is the whole point of this, after all.
Mother's Day for the (Foster + Adoptive) Mothers
To the woman who has stepped into a child’s life and story and heart. Who has decided to love, when she had no reason to have to. Who has adopted the role of mother, for a short time or forever...
Back + Forth Journal: Building a Relationship with Biological Parents
One of the most helpful tools I’ve found to build a relationship with my foster children’s biological parents is a back and forth journal. It’s a pretty simple idea, but many people feel intimidated by the idea of communicating with biological parents and are searching for direction.
I Say No To Placements All The Time
As time has gone on, I’ve gotten more acquainted with--if still not totally comfortable with--saying no. I’ve learned that knowing when to say yes and when to say no is one of the most important parts of doing this thing well.
That Dirty Word: Respite Care
The whys of a family’s decision to place a child in respite care is endless, beyond a simple explanation, and no one else’s business.
Foster parent: God is in the wait.
If you are a foster parent, you will learn patience. You can learn it by kicking and screaming and complaining and worrying. But you will learn it just the same.
Losing Heart • When What I See Isn't Enough
Throughout my journey as a foster parent, I’ve often been confused by what I’ve seen play out in my life and the lives of the children I love. But I don’t focus on that.
Foster Care + Adoption Books For All the People
I’ve compiled a list of my very favorite foster care + adoption related books for all the people on your list (and, you know, yourself). There’s one for everyone…
When I Don’t Love My Foster/Adopted Child
Maybe we shared things that you’ve thought before, said things you’ve been too afraid to say. If you’ve struggled as we’ve struggled, here’s what I want you to know…
When We Know Their Names, They're Harder To Ignore.
It's National Foster Care Month. A time when we have conversations about foster care. A time when we pause and pay attention to these children and their needs. A time when we consider what it all has to do with us.
This Sucks.
Maybe my "this sucks" mantra sounds un-Christian. When I say, "This sucks," and I say it to Him, it's said like a prayer. A faith-filled acknowledgement that though this isn't how it should be, He is in it all.
In Defense of Foster Parenting
Foster care is, at its core, a bridge. Back to first family or on to forever family. Foster parents must never--not ever--be shamed or condemned or criticized when they do not adopt their foster children. Adoption is not in our job description.
Grieving Adoption
I didn't know or realize or want to see that just because we're a forever family doesn't mean that the past won't be a part of that forever.
Foster Care is Broken. I Am Broken.
I could be sitting on the sidelines, in blissful ignorance of the brokenness that surrounds me, enjoying the whole-ness of a sweet and sheltered life. Missing out on the beauty of breaking off pieces of my heart and my life to make another whole.
Is Foster Care Worth All Of the Pain and Agony?
We could add up all of the reasons why a person shouldn't be a foster parent. But we could do that with just about anything on earth. What about the reasons you should?
I Put On A Brave Face, But I Don't Feel Ok.
I put on a brave face. I don't feel brave. I feel afraid. I feel sad. I feel all of it: good, bad, and ugly. But I put on the brave face. Not because I want to fake it. But because I want my face--and my feelings--to come in line with what I think, what I believe, what I know.