Rejecting the Either + the Or and Choosing Both
The state of NJ vs. “mom.” It’s there in the court paperwork. I sat today in a family court room, as I have many times before. But unlike so many other times, I wasn’t part of the “versus mom” mentality.
Instead of sitting across the waiting room with anxious glares and angry whispers, I sat right next to mom. We talked about the girl we both love, the past and the future, our love and respect for each other. Instead of sitting in the rows of witnesses and spectators, I sat right behind mom, part of her team, on her side. On our daughter’s side.
“I know you were supportive of mom in the past, but you’re on board for the plan of adoption, right?” The lawyer confided. “I’m still supportive of mom, I’m here with her today,” I answered.
“You’re killing me, Jamie.”
“I am both supportive of mom and on board for adoption. I am both of those things simultaneously.” She offered a repentant head nod, reminded that both of those things can—and should be—possible.
When did we start believing that being for one means being against the other? Why would my love for my daughter lead to anything but love for her mother? In this world of defendants and prosecutors, of “versus” and “sides,” I reject the either and the or. I choose both.
