But What About MY Kids?

But what about MY kids?

This is the most common—and understandable—question I’m asked. Parents want me to tell them that their children won’t be hurt by foster care. They want to know that something that they choose for their kids won’t be something that affects their kids.

But, well, it will.

And I don’t just mean the effects that are immediately, obviously good—the lessons, the learnings, the love. There’s, of course, a lot of good your kids will gain as foster siblings.

I also mean the parts that are hard. Becoming a foster family means opening your home to chaos, welcoming trauma, inviting loss—and I won’t sugar coat the effects of these things on your kids. Want to know if your kids will be hurt by foster care? Most likely, yes, they will.

This calls into question the what we believe about pain. Is it to be avoided always, at all costs? Our protective parental reflex answers, “YES!”

But then why would Paul encourage us to “glory in our sufferings?”

Because, by God’s good design, suffering—especially the kind of suffering that comes from obeying & loving & serving—brings with it a lot of good: “Suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint.”

The things we pray for our kids—things like character & hope—are often forged through the things we pray away—like suffering. Sometimes the thing we want to avoid is the thing God wants to use to produce. But when we believe that everything God allows to happen to our kids is something that He will use for our kids, our paradigm for pain changes.

Foster care will affect your kids. Some of the effects will be immediately, obviously good. And some you will see for the good that they are only once you see them through eyes of faith—looking forward to the character & hope & good they will bring along with them.