Your Loss is Real and Your Pain is Deep and Your Grief is True

I need to say something to you, in case no one ever has. If you’ve said goodbye to a beloved (foster) child, I want to affirm what you already know and live: Your loss is real and your pain is deep and your grief is true.

Most people won’t understand. Some will try and some won’t. But this stranger, from across the internet, wants you to know that I understand, that I’m there with you in it. Saying goodbye—even if you knew it was coming, even if it’s something you supported and worked towards, even if it wasn’t after all that much time—is truly, deeply hard.

I have a loss that touches me every day, that consumes me some days.

There’s no easy way to lose a child. And as a foster parent, you don’t even get to acknowledge your loss. Celebrate reunification. Accept the next placement. Remind yourself that this is the gig. Put on a brave face. All while having lost a child, a child who feels like and who was—in every sense except, you know, actually—yours.

I’m sorry if, on top of your grief, you have to pretend it’s not there. But from one grieving mom to another, I see you.