To the Friends & Family of Foster & Adoptive Parents...

To the friends & family of foster & adoptive parents: there’s something we need to say to you…

Parenting kids from trauma is hard. It’s messy. It’s confusing. It’s not about getting results, and it’s never a quick fix. Because trauma parenting isn’t (just) about changing behavior. It’s about healing.

Our kids come to us with brains & bodies & beliefs that have been changed by the things they’ve been through. So now we partner with them in their healing, meeting them where they are and hopefully leading them to a better place.

Our kids’ behavior may confuse you. You should know, it confuses us, too. It might look like they’re angry or bratty or out of control. Most of the time, they’re just sad or scared or struggling. Most of the time, what’s behind the behavior would fill you with compassion, would break your heart completely.

It might look like we’re enabling, like we’re letting things go. It might look like we’re inconsistent or random. But it’s usually intentional and thought out. And it’s always hard—for them, for us.

We love our children, and we are doing our very best. If you have questions, ask. If you’re confused, spend some time & learn. If you’re concerned, pray & love & show up. Our children need you, we need you.