Talk to Your (Adopted) Kids About Their Story

Talk to your (adopted) kids about their story.

The general consensus among adoption experts & therapists is this: Your adopted child should know their full story at the (developmental) age of 12.

And that shouldn’t be one life-altering conversation then, it should be a million little conversations now.

As a baby, tell them they have mom’s eyes, that maybe they got their smile from dad.

As a toddler, talk about babies in bellies, about two families and the forever bonds of both biology and adoption.

As a young child, share the big parts. Use words like “health” and “safe,” “choice” and “support,” and “love.” Always, always love.

As an older child, fill in the gaps. Offer more details and invite more questions. Do it openly and often.

As an adolescent, help them hold it all, know it all, feel it all.

Walk with your child through it all. Talking and sharing, listening and questioning. Join them on the journey of understanding their story, learning their history, processing through the thoughts & emotions of it all. You can’t isolate your kids from the pain & confusion, but you can enter it with them.
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The above is a framework & not at all complete. For more thoughts on how to talk to your kids about the their story, check out my “talking to kids” highlight and consider the following:
+ Make/maintain connections with biological parents & other family.
+ Celebrate culture & heritage. Surround them with mentors & mirrors.
+ Connect your child to other adoptees, especially older adoptees.
+ Share photos & names & files. Share what you have, find what you don’t have.
+ Help them journal, write their story, create their own life book.
+ Create ways to remember & celebrate.
+ Therapy, help, support.